did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Randomize
