My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
