He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
