Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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