I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
