Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
