we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
