At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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