i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
