Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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