The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
