i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
