Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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