4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
