It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he was CRYING into my vagina
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
