You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
