We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
