It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
