And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
