party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
please come you make the beer taste better
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
