note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
