she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
