just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
