You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
