fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Everclear isn't food dammit
Floor bacon is actually really good
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
