My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Randomize
