May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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