summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
