No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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