Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
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She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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