I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
