I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
