Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
