is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
