SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
