Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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