Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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