the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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