I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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