Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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