He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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