p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
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I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
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I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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