Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize