Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
