I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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