my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
handjob tips. give me some.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
