this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
