So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
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Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
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My bed is full of blood and feathers
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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