I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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