Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
