we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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