Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
