True but thats because hes a fetus.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
