Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
