I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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