OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
