New invention idea: vibrating tampons
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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