Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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