Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
