Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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