I'm really into asian looking animals
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
