The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
